there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
