I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
