I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
