I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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