Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
