Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
