A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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