Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
