He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I don't think brook has ever known best
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
