know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
