i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
