Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
