u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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