when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
