a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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