Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
