I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
