Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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