I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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