so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
