did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Randomize
