its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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