I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
