porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
MIDGETS
????
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
