Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
