He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
