It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I love having hate sex.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
