Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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