I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I wear drunk well.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
