her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
