he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
