i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
