i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
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