JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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