I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I will pee on everything he values.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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