miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
