If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
