Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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