Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
don't judge my taste in strippers
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
