you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My vagina just recognized that song.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
