Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
