How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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