so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
