My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
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I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
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Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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