There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
