can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
