I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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