Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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