Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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