I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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