i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
my liver is dry heaving
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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