I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
