Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
