I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
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He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
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Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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