I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Text me some of your sweat
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
