Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Pants are for mortals
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