Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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