just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
my nose is crying tears of wow.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
