Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
