Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
