You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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