i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
