I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
