Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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