May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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