so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Randomize
