Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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