It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
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i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
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DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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